For couples and marriage counselling in Vancouver, Diana Kollar, M.A, RCC specializes in Relational Life Therapy and Imago Relationship Therapy (Imago) to help you and your partner feel connected and emotionally safe while working through the issues in your relationship .
Common issues that brings couples to counselling are:
- arguments go unresolved or each argument becomes entangled with several issues
- a high level of reactivity and misunderstanding when conflict arises
- one of you shuts down when there is conflict and the other wants to deal with it right then and there
- circumstances have been difficult for a while and one of you does not feel “in love” anymore and is thinking of exiting the relationship while the other is holding on (discernment counselling)
- an affair or addiction is tearing you apart
- one of you tries to change the other and the other has a hard time standing up for his/herself in a respectful manner
What to Expect from Couples Counselling
In the initial sessions, Diana will help you to know what behaviours are getting in the way of your relationship goals. You’ll have a greater understanding of what is at stake if the behavioural patterns do not change. Once there is a commitment to make the changes, you will learn a new, structured way of speaking to your partner called the Imago Dialogue. This dialogue helps create emotional safety and is used in subsequent sessions as you explore and change unhelpful patterns in your relationship to healthy and productive ones. Diana also gives you exercises and readings between sessions to solidify the work done in the sessions.
Typical Outcomes of Couples Counselling
In a healthy and fulfilling relationship, couples make the relationship a priority. Counselling with Diana can help shift one’s perspective from, “What can my relationship do for me?” to “What is it that I can do for my relationship?”
Another outcome is a strong sense of being on the same team as your partner, instead of feeling like adversaries. You learn to welcome the differences between you and your partner. This is in contrast to a common misconception that differences between partners are detrimental to the relationship. You and your partner can accept and honour each other’s reality and way of being in the world, even though it can be very different from yours. You will learn how to be loving yet firm about your needs for ‘relational’ behaviours to occur as your boundaries strengthen in the therapy.
The two of you will also become conscious of the unmet needs you had while you were growing up. Although most families are loving and well-intentioned, there are no perfect families and invariably we all had emotional needs that were not met and that shapes a lot of our non-relational behaviours. If we are unaware of them, they can sabotage our relationship. It is with this new understanding and compassion for one another, you and your partner can develop new ways of interacting. Couples counselling will help you to grow together instead of apart by learning:
- Effective and respectful communication
- Connection even when discussing difficult topics
- Setting loving firm boundaries with one another and stipulating how you will take care of yourself if the boundary is crossed
- Learning to negotiate instead of compromise
- Trust and a sense of safety with one another
- Understanding, acceptance and compassion for one another
- Passion and intimacy
- A healthy balance between togetherness and separateness
Kollar Counselling Services provides marriage counselling in Vancouver for straight and same-sex couples.
Book an appointment or a free 10-minute phone consultation online or by phone/email today! Kollar Counselling Services offers weekday counselling sessions for couples and for individuals in Vancouver.
“Our time spent under the graceful and empathic guidance of Diana, we have once again begun to flourish, after 20 years of marriage. We’ve emerged from the Imago system with this fantastic sense of empowerment and wonderment of ourselves and each other. The benefits of Imago are not found only in active practice, rather we find that a respect and understanding of each other grows in this wonderful passive and strengthening way. Diana has a brilliant charm, a soft hand, and an inspirational devotion to her craft. We will, in our lifetimes never likely thank her enough.” A&S, 30’s
“Our time with Diana changed the course of our relationship. We had spent years thinking that we could change and fix our relationship ourselves. But time and time again we failed and we got more frustrated with each attempt. Finally, we surrendered and admitted that we needed help outside of ourselves. After our first session with her, we felt like we had made the right decision and were on the path to getting the help we needed. Our sessions helped us learn the skills we needed to communicate effectivley and gave us a greater self awareness. Imago dialogue has given us a way to communicate like we have never been able to in the past. Thank you Diana for helping us save our relationship.” L & B, 30’s
“We were having a lot of trouble communicating. It seemed like we were not ever being heard. It was getting to the point where we felt extremely distant from one another and were growing apart. Diana gave us new techniques to open up better dialogue and communication. Not in how to talk to each other but how to listen to one another. Things are improving. While there is still some work in front of us, we can now work more effectively though our issues, knowing that our point of view have been heard.” R & B, 30’s
“It has only taken a few sessions to learn to communicate with my partner in a way I never dreamed we could!”
“I now feel heard by my partner and we are better able to understand one another.”